Clouds Gathering
by pseudo-quill
Summary: If there's anything Kurogane Suwa loves most in the world, it would be three things: performing, the theatre, and Fai. In which everyone is an arts major, and some suffer prejudice. Established Kurofai. AU
1. Spark

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Warnings: Yaoi pairings. Established Kurofai. Also other pairings on the side. Art school AU. Ignorant author pretending to know shit about the performing arts. Angst, fluff, hurt comfort, stressed out art majors, etc. etc. Innuendo and sexual implications.**

**A/N: My own little piece of self indulgence.**

* * *

_Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin,  
__Dance me through the panic, till I'm gathered safely in.  
__Lift me like an olive branch, and be my homeward dove  
__And dance me to the end of love._

_- Leonard Cohen, Dance me to the end of love_

* * *

If there's anything Kurogane Suwa loves most in the world, it would be three things: performing, the theatre, and _Fai._

* * *

_'Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!'_

Theatre. It is about letting go, laying bare the hidden facets of his soul. What he would never show as Kurogane Suwa, he shows as Romeo, Claudius, Sebastian, Hamlet—just to name a few that he's played before. The school has a preference for Shakespeare, and while the director of theatre would definitely burn him at the stake for saying this, Kurogane doesn't really like Shakespeare much. He doesn't like not understanding what he is saying, and judging from the blank looks on his audience's faces, they have no idea what he's saying either.

Then again, he only ever has eyes for one. The rest of the sea of people in the darkened theatre blurs into faceless ghosts, background noise that frames that pale face alight in adoration, if tinged with a bit of blank incomprehension. He _wants _him to understand. He turns away from the brunette girl whose name he can't quite remember, mingling across the stage from him, and turns to those fond blue eyes. And now when he speaks, his voice softens tenderly, and he says to those porcelain features what he would never say offstage. Here, he is Romeo and not Kurogane, and Kurogane has nothing to be embarrassed of because on stage he can lay himself bare, under the guise of being someone else.

_'For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.'_

Though Fai has never quite been fooled by that.

'_Kyaa~! Kuro-romeo is so romantic~!'_

'_Bastard! I was just saying my lines, goddammit!'_

Afterwards, they go out for a late dinner at Fai's favorite Italian bistro. Tomoyo—the crazy fashion design major who's always in charge of the costumes—will hit him on the head tomorrow for missing out on the after-show party, but Kurogane will withstand her wrath for this. Fai holds his hand in his own mittened one as they walk through the falling snow. At the bistro, the snow continues to flutter on the other side of the windowpane amidst the blurred lights of the street-lamps. Fai's face in the candlelight… It is _beautiful._

_(and o, he doth teach the torches to burn bright.)_

* * *

"Brilliant! That was brilliant! You have real talent, Kurogane-kun!"

That's Subaru, the literature major who stays in the room next to Fai's off the art dorms. Fai in his usual blithering air-headedness had applied late for dorms when he first came in, and the art dorms had been full. He'd been shuffled off to the dorm in between the academic blocks and high school section's school field, where the academic majors and some of the high school jocks stayed. Listening to Subaru rant, Kurogane revises his opinion that no one in the audience understands a word of Shakespeare, because Subaru definitely does. The way he rattles off about symbolism, and motifs, and dramatic irony with Watanuki, his fellow literature major, blows Kurogane's mind. He'd thought that he couldn't understand Shakespeare, but _this _sounds like_ rocket science_ in comparison. And he's a theatre major, not a scientist.

Fai finally sweeps into the canteen, as graceful as always (even in that horrendously fluffy white turtleneck that looks two sizes too big) with his chin aloft and his eyes half-lidded. The snow blows in as he does, and he brushes a lock of his blonde hair behind his ear after the doors swing shut after him. Kurogane finds that irrationally sexy. Tomoyo stands and waves him over; she _loves _Fai. Because _Fai _(unlike Kurogane) lets her dress him up, and play with his hair, and put powder on his face. She insists that Kurogane _must _wear makeup onstage, but Kurogane refuses, squirming and yelling like a stubborn child. Fai is a lot more compliant when she brushes eyeshadow on his eyelids to compliment his costume. Sometimes when neither has any deadlines to rush for, they giggle and talk about the latest fashions together.

"Kuro-rin!" he announces as he plops himself down at the table, "I want a chicken-tuna sandwich!"

Kurogane bristles.

"Go and get it yourself, bastard!" he yells, and some of the nearby students giggle at the familiar spectacle of their squabbling. Kurogane does not think this is funny, just for anyone's information. This is serious business that is not amusing in the slightest. But he does not tell them off, because Fai would laugh at him and call him a serious puppy if he ever said that out loud.

"But my big, strong, _romantic _Romeo is here," he wails melodramatically as he jumps to his feet with a hand over his forehead, "Save me, Romeo! Help me get my lunch!"

His legs are shaking and he has forgone his shoes, which are hanging by their laces from his backpack, in favor of thick woolen socks. Kurogane sighs and stands. Fai grins and makes as if to start running, but the theatre major only grabs him by the tassels of his (_adorable) _bobble hat, and kisses him. There is some high-pitched squealing going around, but Kurogane doesn't really care. Lots of people in this school have done more than this in full sight of everyone else with no reactions, so he doesn't know what the difference is here. (_They aren't drop-dead gorgeous, _Tomoyo says, _that's the difference._)

Fai blinks at him for a few moments, looking confused and criminally cute with his big blue eyes and long lashes fluttering as he blinks like a goddamn doll. Kurogane kisses him again. Chastely. Because there are other people around. Then he drops the tassels and turns on his heel, walking towards the direction of that stall Fai likes to get his sandwiches from. He nods towards the table over his shoulder.

"Go and sit the hell down," he orders, "I'll go get lunch."

"Kuro-sama?" Fai whispers, and a wondering, loving smile cracks across his face like the dawn after a storm. Even though he will be teased later (by Fai, by Tomoyo, and by _everyone else_), it was worth it to see that look on his face.

* * *

"Bubble bath~!" Fai _wails _from the tub, Kurogane winces, "Bubble, bubble, bath! Rubber ducky, rubber ducky in my bath!"

"That's not even a song!" roars the theatre major from the bedroom.

Fai pretends not to hear him (it must be pretense, because the bathroom door is wide open), and continues in a screech.

"Oh, but even with my rubber ducky, I feel so looooooonely!"

An infuriating _quack_ of the duck being squeezed.

"_Ohhh!_ Won't my puppy come and sit here with me?"

Quack.

Quack.

_Quaaaaaaack._

"_Shut up!"_

"Woof, woof?"

Kurogane turns and collapses face-down into his pillow; Fai giggles from inside the bathroom and he fists his hands in the covers so that he won't storm the bathroom and strangle his stupid boyfriend. Even if he decided to let Fai live, the damned blonde might slide down into the tub in unconsciousness, and drown anyway. And he likes Fai (the majority…. minority…. when he's not being an ass), and would miss him if he died.

Later, Fai comes out quietly and climbs onto the bed, snuggling into a tanned back. He noses into the back of Kurogane's neck, then kisses his shoulders. Kurogane rolls over and Fai starts.

"Bad puppy," he says softly, "Pretending oh-so-sneakily to be sleeping."

Kurogane makes a noncommittal noise, and shifts to the centre of the bed. Fai makes a strange sound of complaint when he reaches for his arm, and scoots slightly away.

"I have to get back to my dorm," he says with a disapproving pout, "Don't tempt me with your big, soft bed."

When Fai makes as if to leave, Kurogane stands up and throws him back into bed.

"Your feet hurts," he says bluntly, "Your dorm room is far. Stay here."

Then he pulls Fai's feet into his lap, and runs a finger over the angry red blisters. Fai giggles when he lifts them by the ankles and kisses them. Fai's feet are soft like a baby's, and they smell like his own vanilla and honey soap. Kurogane blinks.

"Why do I have your soap in my bathroom?"

"Because you looooove me," Fai sing-songs. Kurogane gives him a _look, _and he giggles, "I left them here a long time ago since I'm here all the time."

Now that he thinks about it, there _has _been an extra bottle by his tub for a pretty long time. It's quite disturbing that he hasn't properly noticed it. Kurogane kisses Fai's ankles, then puts them back in his lap, and begins to rub his thumbs into the soles. The blonde moans happily.

"Is Kuro-horny trying to bribe me into his bed for some unmentionable reasons?"

"Shut up. I'm not, okay?"

Fai closes his eyes and chuckles tiredly.

"Can you do my calves later?" he murmurs, "They really hurt."

After doing his feet, Kurogane does his calves, and finally—though that _really _wasn't his ultimate goal—does Fai. In his defense, Fai seduced him first.

* * *

The stars are out, and the snow gently falling by the time Fai emerges from the studio with his bag slung over his shoulders and his shoes in one hand. His winter clothing is still draped over one arm, which is really stupid of him because its cold outside tonight. His pale skin is gleaming with sweat in the moonlight, and his hair is sticking to his forehead. His chest is visibly expanding with his every breath, and he is shivering from the cold and the sweat and his lack of clothing.

Kurogane takes his bag for him and throws his own coat over Fai's shoulders. Fai breathes a thank you, still sounding breathless.

"Put on your pants."

Fai begins to hop around trying to get his pants on, so Kurogane takes the rest of his things from him.

"And your shoes."

Because his feet are pale and blistered and a little bruised in the snow, and he's shifting them even as he stands there. They are turning white from the cold, but Fai still shakes his head.

"It hurts to put them on," he says, softly, because it's late and everyone in the art dorms are sleeping, "And the cold soothes the aching."

Kurogane hands him his shirt, then his coat, after he pulls his shirt on.

"Don't blame me if you freeze your feet off and don't get the scholarship."

Fai shrugs his coat on, and tucks his hands under his armpits. He has forgotten to bring his mittens.

"I can't walk in shoes," he admits, and hands Kurogane his coat.

Kurogane eyes it for a moment.

"Hold it for me," he says, then turns and drops to one knee, "Up."

"Kuro-sama?"

He can feel his cheeks heating up, so he scowls and hopes Fai can't see in the dim light.

"Hurry up!" he growls, "I'm not gonna kneel here in the snow all day, or do you want me to carry you like a damn girl?"

Fai chuckles quietly, and slides his arms around Kurogane's neck, turning the side of his face into Kurogane's back. The theatre major stands, bounces Fai once to get a better grip on him, then begins to walk. Fai's breath is misting out by his face, and he can feel his boyfriend's breathing, warm against his back.

"I take it Kuro-gentleman is walking me home?" Fai teases tiredly.

"Whatever."

Fai laughs breathlessly, and winds Kurogane's cloak around the both of them.

* * *

There's a big commotion in the hallway around the noticeboard. A crowd is straining, jumping, craning their necks to try to see past everyone else. Kurogane scans the crowd, and makes his way straight to that mop of blonde hair. He twines their fingers together, and Fai smiles shakily at him, and continues to try to see over the sea of bobbing heads. Even Kurogane, who is half a head taller than even Fai, can't see anything. Fai drops into a demi-plié, then gracefully lifts up onto the very tips of his sneakers.

"I can't see anything," he says, and his voice is weak.

He drops back onto the flats of his feet.

"Can you?"

Kurogane shakes his head. Fai wrings his hands together nervously, and his face is so white (on top of his already white complexion) that he looks green. He looks like he could be breaking into a cold sweat, even in this blasted cold. Kurogane brushes his thumb over the back of the blonde's hand in reassurance.

"No, I can't," he replies, but turns back towards the noticeboard.

There are people walking out of the crowd crying, Fai blanches, and he looks like he's about to burst into nervous tears.

"You worked hard for that scholarship," Kurogane tells him quietly, "Stop looking at them."

"They worked hard for it too," Fai murmurs back, but drops again into a lower plié before springing up off the floor. He's always been able to jump insanely high. He lands on the balls on his feet, absorbs the impact down into another plié before springing up again.

More and more people are coming away from the noticeboard, crying, sobbing, cursing, some shrugging despite the stricken looks on their face. They see Sakura pushing out of the crowd, looking a little crushed, but smiling brightly at Syaoran, who waits a short distance away with her bag at his feet.

"Well," she said, "I knew I wouldn't get it."

Syaoran looks worried as she reaches him.

"It's alright," she tells him, "Everything will be alright."

She reaches for her bag, but he simply slings it easily over his shoulder.

"I'll hold it for you," he says, "Let's go for lunch."

Kurogane can make out a little bit of text over the thinning crowd. Beside him, Fai's jumping gets a little more rigorous. The scholar for music… is that voice student called Kobato. Finally, the tall guy standing right in the middle of the board and blocking everything decides he has stood there enough, and moves away. Kurogane skips right over the theatre scholarship (he knows he didn't get it because he didn't apply; he's already gotten the scholarship the last year) and right down to the dance scholarship.

Fai D. Flourite. DA3.1

Fai screams and flings his arms around Kurogane's neck. After a moment of incoherent yelling, he pulls back, grins like the sun, bursts into laughter, dances a little, then quite suddenly, he throws himself back into Kurogane's arms and begins to sob dryly into the side of his collar.

* * *

**A/N: I know. I KNOW I should be writing From the Ashes right now. I'm sorry! I'm suffering from a terrible case of writer's block. (As I have said, FtA is the first fic I am publishing as I'm writing, so things may be going slow.) Anyway, I was like PLOT BUNNY. So, this is my little bit of self-indulgence trying to get over my block. This is actually a little bit of a writing exercise. Again, it's supposed to be a oneshot, but nowadays with my schedule I can only find the time to type up segments of 2k words or so. Perhaps when my school hols start for real, I can start writing 6k+ chapters or 10k+ oneshots again like I used to. For now, enjoy my short chapters. Btw, because this was supposed to be a oneshot (like Frailty etc) it'll probably be a lot more Kurofai-centric, so the other characters have less development. Anyway, 2 in the morning and I'm lazy to check for typos.**

**Comment and review. Goodnight, world.**


	2. Flicker

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Warnings: Yaoi pairings. Established Kurofai. Also other pairings on the side. Art school AU. Ignorant author pretending to know shit about the performing arts. Angst, fluff, hurt comfort, stressed out art majors, etc. etc. Innuendo and sexual implications.**

**A/N: My own little piece of self indulgence.**

* * *

_And my joy at sight of you (emerging  
__into golden day—_  
_the dew almost frost)  
__pulled me to my feet to tell you  
__how much I loved you:_

_- Denise Levertov, A Time Past_

* * *

The preparations for the school's Awards Day is hectic, as it is every year. In the month leading up to it, it seems like everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off, carrying boxes of costumes and props to this department and that department. The performances for Awards Day are always a particularly big deal to the school higher ups because their sponsors and who-not important bigs-shots will all be there to watch them. It's all meaningless sucking up, from Kurogane's point of view at least.

He's playing the lead again in this year's play, one written by a student this time. It's a pretty decent script, in Kurogane's opinion. The audience (Fai) will probably be able to understand the dialogue, and that's pretty damn important. It's some high-school love story—in a setting he highly suspects to be based off of their college—about a sidelined sculpture student, struggling to gain the attentions of a pretty dancer over the loud showiness of her other performing arts suitors. The only thing out of the ordinary about this year's production is that the female lead is _not _played by a theatre student. Instead, it will be played by a dance student. Sakura.

Kurogane feels a little strange pretending to woo _Sakura _of all girls. She's sweet, innocent, and so _tiny _thatwhen he takes her by the waist near the end, his fingers touch over her navel. The first time they'd rehearsed that scene, the both of them had burst out laughing over how _large _Kurogane had been in proportion to her. She is almost like a daughter to him (although their ages aren't _that _far apart) and the director sometimes playfully chides him for acting more paternal than romantic. Ironically, Syaoran is playing understudy to him this time, a twist of fate they all had a good laugh about.

Fortunately, this meant that the boy was able to rehearse with Sakura in their free time, and help her with the performance. Kurogane supposes she must be pretty out of her element, incorporating so much acting into her dancing. It's a good thing that the script seemed more focused on the male, and Sakura's part involved a lot more dancing and prancing and looking pretty than actual _talking. _All the practical bits aside, Kurogane is glad Sakura is playing the part. Both he and Fai know her pretty well, and their feelings towards one another were strictly platonic. He'd once had a female lead develop feelings for him, and start to flirt with him. _In front of Fai. _Needless to say, Fai had not been happy at all.

When he tells Fai about the play's storyline, Fai gets a strange look in his eye. Not a bad strange, but a good strange. It's a smile tinged with nostalgia, fondness, exasperation, love, sadness, and a thousand other emotions that Kurogane cannot finish naming. They are in an empty corner of the library, a cosy little place hidden away in a maze of bookshelves. A large window with a wide ledge lined with cushions lights up the patterned carpet, the cushy beanbags, the cushions scattered over the floor. Fai is a small figure, curled up tightly on that ledge.

"That reminds me of us," he says quietly, still looking out of the window, "Except that _I_ was the one always trying to get _your _attention."

Kurogane blinks.

"Is that so?" he murmurs back as he stands and sits on the ledge opposite his boyfriend, leaning forward a little as he does so, "Because I had thought you were too beautiful to see me in the light I wanted, then."

Fai chuckles and leans forward as well, pressing their foreheads together.

"Strange," he whispers, "I thought the same of you."

Kurogane tilts his head a little, and kisses him.

* * *

Apart from the other school productions, each of the scholars are doing a solo performance each, and Tomoyo is beside herself with excitement. He comes across her sitting under a tree on the grounds one day when his rehearsals are canceled for the day because the director called in sick, hunched over her sketchbook, busily sketching away.

"I'm designing Fai's costume," she says excitedly when asked, "He has such _gorgeous_ body structure."

Kurogane is well aware of that. But he supposes he'd feel a little possessive if anyone else had said it besides Tomoyo. Anyone with eyes would be able to tell that she has a little something for her cousin, one-sided as it is. Or even anyone with the ears to have heard her gushing about how cute and pretty and sweet Sakura was, and how excited she was to be able to design a costume for her adorable cousin last week. He leans over, and Tomoyo snaps her sketchbook shut sharply.

"Uh-uh~!" she chides, "I'm not done with it yet! And the groom is not allowed to see the bride's dress until the wedding!"

Kurogane rolls his eyes.

"Actually," he corrects, "The groom is not allowed to see the bride _in _the dress until the wedding, but he's allowed to see the dress."

Tomoyo sticks her tongue out at him.

"Same difference," she says, "And it's supposed to be a surprise! You're only supposed to see it on Fai at the performance!"

The design major makes a shooing motion.

"Now go, chop chop," she nags, "Fai is rehearsing in the big dance studio now so you should go watch."

So he sticks his hands into the pockets of his coat and trudges across the field towards the block where the big dance studio is. The big dance studio is where the dancers always rehearse for performances, but today only Fai is there with the choreographer, the dance teacher, and the pianist. There are a few understudies inside too, but they sit to the side, watching. One wall of the studio is taken up by floor-to-ceiling windows, sometimes covered with drapes, but drawn wide open today to let in the sun from outside. There are a crowd of giggling girls peeking into the windows—as surreptitiously as they can, so as to avoid being told off by the fierce dance teacher—and even guys checking Fai's ass out. The majority of them are dancers waiting to go in for rehearsals. They chat with one another, some getting their friends to hold up compact mirrors so that they can do their hair, some with one hand on the wall as they do their arabesques and splits and goodness knows what else dancers do for stretching. They all quieten as Kurogane arrives though, and nod at him. _Good, _Kurogane thinks, _he's mine._

As Fai collapses neatly to the floor inside the studio, he meets Kurogane's eye in the mirror, and all of a sudden his blue eyes brighten. He maintains eye contact with Kurogane in the mirror as he dances, and later as he twirls across the floor, he turns to look at him through the window, spotting his head to maintain eye contact. He turns the last twirl into a jump, and falls soundlessly to the floor again. He lifts one limp arm up, and his body follows, as if he is a marionette being pulled up with a string. It is then that the teacher stops him. Because he hadn't just lifted his arm up, he had pointed, and not only had he pointed, he had pointed in the completely wrong direction.

There's a sudden uproar of laughter and giggling on Kurogane's side of the glass. Once the teacher readjusts Fai's arm to point in the right direction (which is _not_ in Kurogane's direction, as Fai would believe), she walks over to the corner to tell the pianist to start that sequence over; Fai turns and furtively shoots him a sheepish grin.

Later, when the dancers who had been dawdling outside head into the studio, Fai comes right up to him as the teacher is distracted with the rest—a towel around his neck, hair tousled, leotard dark with sweat—and presses a palm against the glass. _I love you, _he mouths with a wink, and the squealing of the girls outside starts anew.

* * *

"Are you—"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Maybe—"

"No."

"But—"

"No."

"Fai—"

"No," Fai says stubbornly, "I absolutely _forbid _you from coming!"

"But I haven't seen the whole dance yet," Kurogane protests, "Except that day when Sensei called in sick."

Fai holds up a finger.

"It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding!" he says sagely, and Kurogane groans.

"Tomoyo said that too," he grumbles, "Why the hell does everyone say that?"

His boyfriend laughs and tweaks his nose.

"Because it's true," he teases, and hefts his shoe bag over his shoulder, "Now stay like a good puppy, okay?"

_"Who are you calling a dog?!"_

Fai chuckles as he slips into his shoes, pulling his coat more tightly around himself. Kurogane knows he's wearing his costume under there, but he's adamant that Kurogane won't see it until the performance. He pauses at the doorway, and spins around, holding his pinky out.

"Promise!"

Kurogane blinks.

"What?"

Fai shakes his pinky somewhat impatiently.

"Promise me that you won't come," he clarifies, "Promise me!"

Kurogane scowls and folds his arms.

"I'm not doing that childish shit," he growls, "And why the hell does it mean so much to you anyway?"

The blonde blinks, and lowers his head a little so that his silky bangs cover his face. He looks distinctively uncomfortable.

"I'm afraid," he whispers, and Kurogane frowns.

"Afraid?" he questions, softening his tone as he strides forward to take Fai into his arms.

Fai nods against his shoulder.

"If you see me dance now," he explains quietly, "Then you may not come to see me perform for real. I don't want to dance knowing that you aren't there watching. I don't want to dance knowing that when I look out over the audience, I won't be able to find your face."

Kurogane scoffs.

"Don't be silly," he tells Fai, "It's not like I can miss Award's Day, I'm performing, remember? And I wouldn't miss your performance just because I saw you dancing in rehearsal."

Fai stubbornly butts his pinky into Kuroganes chest.

"Promise me you won't come for full-dress anyway," he says, "Promise me that when I get back, you'll be waiting here for me to go out for supper after. Promise me."

Kurogane links their pinkies together, but pulls Fai's hand up instead so that he can press a kiss to pale knuckles.

"How about this," he whispers, "I promise that no matter what, I'll be watching your performance."

The smile that breaks slowly, tenderly across Fai's face is beautiful.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he sings softly, "Eat a thousand needles if I lie."

"Pinky promise," Kurogane finishes, and leans forward to capture Fai's lips in a kiss.

* * *

He breaks his promise anyway.

* * *

It is two days before Awards Day that he gets the call. He is sitting in the cafeteria as usual, surrounded by the usual group. Watanuki and Subaru are talking literature once more as Doumeki looks on stoically, Syaoran looking slightly forlorn and lost as Sakura chatters to Fai about a topic he knows nothing about: dieting. They are talking egg salads and red meat and white meat and chicken mayo sandwiches. They are talking cherry tomatoes and onion soup and sugar-free yogurt. Kurogane knows that not all dancers eat healthily (heck, he has known Fai to survive purely off Macdonalds, takeaway, pizza and ice cream), but it seems the two of them are feeling the pressure to look good when they are up on stage, prancing about in skin-tight leotards. Admittedly, Fai does more contemporary than ballet, so he's mostly in slightly baggy pants. The top is often revealing, translucent, skin-tight, or nonexistent though.

His phone rings—a Japanese rock song. Conversation stops for just a moment as they turn around to detect the source of the noise. It resumes almost immediately as Kurogane takes the phone out and presses it absently to his ear; he is busy making notes on the margins of his script.

"Hello?"

_'Youou? Moshi moshi?'_

"Hahaue?"

_'Ah, Youou. I haven't… I haven't heard from you in a while.'_

"Gomen, I've been busy with school. Choushi dou?"

The others go silent as they hear him begin to converse in Japanese. It's a strange thing, but in this foreign country it seems that everyone is fascinated to hear a different language spoken fluently. He ignores them so that he can hear his mother's quiet voice. She is of rather weak health, and had never quite recovered from her half-year stay in the hospital three years back. She had had cancer, and had undergone intensive chemotherapy. She was a survivor, thankfully, but had been weak since then.

_'Ah! Fine, fine! Zekkou-chou dayo!'_

Kurogane frowns at the strange breathless tone in his mother's voice.

"Hahaue…" he murmurs, as his mother's voice hitches, "Daijoubu ka?"

_'Daijoubu, daijoubu! Genki desu!'_

She sobs over the phone.

_'Genki desu…'_

_"Hahaue?!"_

Fai lays a hand on his thigh in concern at his tone of voice. Some of the tables around them in their tiny canteen have quietened in favor of watching him.

"Hahaue? What's wrong? Moshi moshi?!"

There is fumbling over the phone, and then his father's voice greets him.

_'Moshi moshi. Youou?'_

"Aa. What's wrong? Has something happened at home?"

A pause. Kurogane can hear his mother still crying in the background, her voice muffled and stifled, as if she is sobbing through her hands.

_'Motosuwa-sensei… he suspects…'_

_Motosuwa-sensei. _That is their family doctor, a kind young man who knew someone in Kurogane's school as well—that little blonde painting student named Chii.

"Suspects?" Kurogane asks in a numb whisper, dread beginning to crawl up his spine as his mother sobs in the background.

_'He suspects that your mother is having a relapse.'_

* * *

Fai helps him pack without a word of complaint. Kurogane is wracked with guilt about his broken promise, but Fai cheerfully assures him that it's alright. Fai packs some lunch for his plane flight because "plane-food is bad for puppies, you know!" and ushers him out of the door—the theatre major hurriedly snagging his camera bag from the dining table—with a chaste kiss; Kurogane snakes his free hand into his hair refuses to let him go, deepening the kiss instead. Fai lets out a little muffled sound of half-hearted protest, then melts into him. When they eventually part, they are both breathing heavily, and Fai is trembling a little, the way he does when he's aroused. Kurogane kisses over his neck as he presses the camera bag into Fai's firm stomach.

"Here," he murmurs, and Fai shudders at the whisper of breath over his sensitive skin, "Get Tomoyo to film the performance for me."

Fai closes his eyes.

_"Kuro…"_

Kurogane kisses him on the lips.

"And when you look out over the crowd," he whispers against soft lips, "You can look at the camera lens… and you can think of it as me watching you."

Fai nips playfully at his lip.

"Watching me in credit?" he teases, elaborating when Kurogane is confused, "Because, you know, you'll not actually be seeing it until you get home. Like a credit card, right? Delayed payment."

Kurogane snorts and kisses Fai on the nose, fighting back a chuckle when Fai wrinkles it.

"Fine then," he says, as he grabs onto the handle of his luggage with one hand, and the doorknob with the other, "You can be the bank then. I owe you to watch it when I get back."

Fai watches him longingly from the door of Kurogane's dorm room. He can't see Kurogane off at the airport, because he has another full-dress in fifteen minutes. (Kurogane notes that he hasn't changed yet; he's going to be late.)

"You'd better!" he calls down the hallway, "Or I'll bankrupt you for not making payment!"

Fai blows him a kiss when he looks back at the entrance to the lift. On the next flight out of the country, Kurogane thinks that he can still feel an imaginary kiss burning on his cheek.

* * *

He is back in less than a week. Hideki Motosuwa had done a couple of scans, but it had been nothing but a false alarm. His mother had undergone a minor operation to remove a benign tumor that had been giving her some pain, but the tumor hadn't been cancerous. Fai tackles him in a screeching hug when he comes back, and showers unabashed kisses all over his face. Kurogane apologizes for missing Fai's performance, and Fai says that it was alright.

Kurogane walks Fai back to his dorm anyway, right to the base of the long, long, _long _flight of stairs that leads up to the building. Right at the top of the stairs, Fai turns back and waves. He is so small, so fragile in that instant—as if the lightest of breezes could blow him right down those endless stairs to land, lifeless and bloody, before Kurogane. So fragile, with the orangey scarf around his neck lifting just a little higher in the wind, in his chocolate-brown coat just a little too big for him.

With his wavering little smile, just a little strained.

It is a dark little premonition. Kurogane rushes back, and hooks the camera up to his laptop so that he can watch it. The performance is fine. The crowd cheers. Tomoyo and the others cat-call loudly. Syaoran played the lead with Sakura, Fai hoots appreciatively from the back before he disappears to the back so that he can come out on stage for the ending. They all bow. People cheer. People throw roses onto the stage. The performance is fine. The performance is _fine._

So fine, in fact, that the principal makes an announcement the next morning; Fai has been chosen to choreograph and perform a solo dance piece for the upcoming open-house.

* * *

**A/N: Sigh. FFnet really pisses me off. For the epigraph, there is supposed to be an indent before "the dew almost frost" but FFnet keeps deleting it away. I don't mind FFnet deleting away my ? followed by ! or my ! followed by ?, but I must complain that they do not allow the indents. Especially because I felt that the indent was especially important in that stanza in conveying the disjointedness between the golden day and the dew like frost. Anyway, I'm terrible sorry, all those who've been waiting for an update. I'm aware that I haven't updated in more than three months. I've been focusing more on my other WIPs. Anyway, I've written out an outline for this, and this will be rather short. There will only be six chapters, which mean there will only be four more. Also, after writing out the outline, I have decided to retitle the fic. It was originally titled Catharsis, for a lack of a better name. I detested the name though, because I felt that it was an overly fancy name that had too little emotion to it. It is now titled Clouds Gathering, after the poem that inspired this fic.**

Sorry again for the long wait, and Catharsis (now Clouds Gathering) is officially back! Please do review.


	3. An Important Announcement

**IMPORTANT update 16/04/13**: Hey everyone. Sorry if you thought this was a new chapter, but it's just an important status update. So, err... I think this is a bit late, but **I've recently decided to go on temporary hiatus**. It's been quite awhile since I stopped writing/drawing completely but it suddenly occurred to me that I should make this announcement, and that I kinda owe my readers/whoever an explanation. Those of you who read my ANs will probably realize that I never seem to stop talking about the seemingly endless deadlines I'm buried under that prevents me from updating. That's one of the reasons why I'm going on hiatus. I take a two-year program called the International Baccalaureate, and its basically two years of major deadlines every week. It's my last year and the deadlines have just been building up and I just have a lot less time these days. Another reason is because apart from deadlines, my exams are coming up soon. And the third and final reason, that I think is really the most significant reason for my decision to go on temporary hiatus, is because... Ahaha, well how do I even begin to approach this?

I think I haven't been in tip-top shape recently (by which I mean for the last year and a half), emotionally speaking. I'm not going to go into details because it makes me uncomfortable even admitting this to you people, but there's barely anyone in our school who is doing well emotionally. The school itself drives you nuts. I mean, the end result is a school average score enough to get you into an Ivy League university, but the stress seems to be breaking everyone down and I don't know if it's worth it anymore. I mean it. And I really hate seeing my friends, all these people I love, breaking down like this. I hate coming to school and seeing the occasionally deranged looks in their eyes. That's what stress and sleep-deprivity does to you. I think I can say that the program itself isn't really that tough, but the pressure that the school is putting on us is the breaking point. It's not the program, I don't care if you're taking the IB as well and doing perfectly fine, it's the stress piled on top of the program.

A couple of weeks ago, we lost someone. I can't say we were the best of friends, but we were pretty close. I think it was a big blow to all of us since our cohort only has 80 students so we are a pretty close, tight-knit bunch. Anyway, one of us passed away some time ago. It was suicide. I can't say it doesn't hurt. It hurts. I can't really come up with the words to explain how I'm feeling. I'm so glad I'm doing this over the internet because I'm typing at the speed of one word per ten seconds. I've just been unable to do any writing or even drawing. And drawing has always been my safe haven (even moreso than writing). But I think I'm finally beginning to move past the grief, and that's why I'm finally coming back from the void of non-communication to tell you guys all this. I've been in a bit of a funk for the past two years and strangely enough, the recent events seems to have shocked me somewhat out of it. I dunno, I guess that it just sort of shocked me from feeling sorry for pitiful ol' me to feeling sorry for everyone in general. Which perhaps doesn't sound that ideal but it's really a lot better than just wallowing in teenaged, melodramatic despair and self-pity. (Omg, I can't believe I just referred to myself as a melodramatic teenager, I think that would have really PISSED ME OFF two months ago.)

Anyway, I think that _maybe, _like just perhaps. I dunno, this sounds so melodramatic but I don't know how else to phrase it. I think I might finally be starting to pick up the pieces of this mess I've kinda degenerated into in the process of getting this stupid diploma. Like _maybe. _I'm kinda scared to sound certain about it, because I usually have these strange episodes where I'll be all "THIS IS IT, I'M GOING TO START FUNCTIONING AS A PROPER HUMAN BEING. I'M GOING TO START EATING AND SLEEPING REGULARLY AND STOP DITCHING SCHOOL AND I'M GONNA START DOING ALL MY WORK PROPERLY AND I'M GOING TO QUIT LYING IN BED FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF WITH GREASY HAIR AND THREE DAY OLD CLOTHES AND FUNCTION AS A USEFUL MEMBER OF SOCIETY 8DDDDD." Then all those expectations I put on myself to be a "proper human being" kinda just build up until I crash under the pressure (of being a functioning member of society shit I'm such a loser) and go back to eating like a pig every three days, sleeping at odd hours, ditching school and coming in like four fucking hours late or something. Omg, I can't believe I'm actually typing all this out when I guess all along I've been trying to skim over it and POINTEDLY NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

Okay, fine. I'm a mess. I haven't just "not been in tip-top shape recently, emotionally speaking heehee *skirts around topic coyly*". I'm a melodramatic teenager (shit) who does nothing much but feel sorry for herself (fuck) at almost all hours of the day (agh) who's on psychiatric medication... and sometimes doesn't shower for three days straight like a gross fuck. Ah, shit, when I read the last paragraph I sound like a complete psycho loser. Fuck. And my tone of writing just kinda did a 180 screeching skid within a single sentence when I just gave up on explaining myself in a tactful, nicely worded, "I'm not actually a vulgar shit of a loser" way. Shit I sound like a bipolar psycho. Okay, yeah, the deadlines and the exams are kinda like an excuse that only takes up one freaking paragraph. Whatever, NO MORE PERSONAS. Yeah, hi, nice to meet you. I'm really such a piece of shit and I'm on hiatus and I'm kinda like a spoilt brat finally starting to try picking up after myself.

Now I'm going to run far far away before I rant any more and make myself look even more of a psycho, bipolar freak who actually bothers to rant my problems honestly out to the internet at large. Whatever, I'm anonymous here and I'd like to stay that way. You people don't know who I am and I'll probably delete this once I'm off my temporary hiatus. Hopefully I'll succeed in somewhat clearing all the broken glass and be back writing/drawing soon. Bye. Don't feel sorry for me and if you ever bring this up again in any particular way that makes me feel uncomfortable, I will respond with a very succinct and very convenient "I don't wanna fucking talk about it."


End file.
